Barnacle Labs Apologises for Not Taking Client to Dinner Before Discussing Pricing

Barnacle Labs today issued a formal apology after sending a client a proposal by email without first taking senior stakeholders to a series of increasingly expensive restaurants.

“We accept that this was a serious breach of protocol,” said Co-Founder Duncan Anderson. “The established process is clear. First dinner. Then drinks. Then golf. Then a box at Twickenham. Then, and only then, do you mention that you charge by the day. We skipped all of this and simply told them what it would cost. We understand the shock.”

The proposal, which sources described as “alarmingly transparent”, reportedly contained a fixed price, a defined scope, and an estimated delivery date. It did not contain a relationship-building phase, an executive alignment dinner series, or a single bottle of Châteauneuf-du-Pape.

“We recognise that trust in the consulting industry is not built through competence,” Anderson continued. “It is built through hospitality. We let the client down by failing to blur the line between professional services and corporate entertainment.”

Industry insiders noted that Barnacle Labs has no corporate hospitality budget, no client gifting programme, and no account manager whose primary function is restaurant selection. “It’s baffling,” said one managing director at a competing firm. “We spend more on client dinners in a quarter than they spend on headcount. That’s how you build a consultancy.”

When asked whether the company planned to introduce a client entertainment strategy, Anderson replied: “We were thinking of buying some biscuits for the office. Nice ones. Possibly chocolate.”

Barnacle Labs confirmed that the client signed the proposal anyway.